All the Cool Kids Are Doing It: The Gay Dads Project Letter From Amie to Jared

Jared Karol had to broach the subject of his gay father more than once with his co-worker, Amie Shea, before she wanted to open up about her own gay dad.

The Gay Dad Project aims to explore families—and the complex relationships within these families—where one parent is gay and one parent is straight. Amie Shea, Erin Margolin, and Jared Karol all share the experience of having had a dad come out as gay. They have all found comfort in sharing their stories with one another, and in knowing that they are not alone.

They created The Gay Dad Project to share their stories with the world, and to connect with other children and families who have had similar experiences. The Gay Dad Project is a space where engaging and dynamic discussion on this topic occurs that is both inspiring and empowering. In addition to the website, The Gay Dad Project has plans for a book and a documentary film.

Yesterday, The Good Men Project reprinted correspondence between Jared and Erin. In the same spirit, here is another letter, which Amie sent Jared. Read his response here. 

Read more about the Letters here.

This was previously posted on Lick the Fridge.

March 13, 2012

Dear Jared—

I know we have brushed the topic a time or two, but being co-workers we’ve never really taken the dive into the deep end for full-submersion.

I’m not sure we’ve ever really taken a deep dive into any topic. I mean we are both the open and honest type but the environment and the nature of our relationship doesn’t really allow for in depth conversations about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

So we chat about commutes, morning activities, and work related maintenance.

From time to time I have perused your blog.

Once because you sent me a link about blogging for yourself and not giving a shit about what other people think. I enjoyed your blog but I didn’t jump on the blogging train right then.

Then you talked a bit about your dad and your relationship with him, so I looked up a few more recommended blogs. You know the one where you describe how it felt to learn your dad had AIDS and maybe it was a separate one about visiting him in the city and having San Francisco adventures.

Or maybe you just shared those stories with me.

Whatever.

Then you threw me another bone, drifted me another reminder … however you want to phrase it.

You were doing this fun letter thing on your blog. I should check it out.

So I did.

I wanted to write you a letter about this topic from the moment I heard about your project. That first conversation we had about gay dads was intriguing but it’s not really the type of chatter that happens around the work water cooler. When I read the letter from a girl named Erin who also had a gay dad I knew I simply had to write you a letter. It’s not that I can’t talk about the topic or don’t want to talk about the topic. It’s just that Erin so eloquently exposed so many things that I know all too well.

The trust issues, the insecurities, the loneliness and so the story goes.

I think one of the hardest things for me was the confusion. The confusion of coming from a non-traditionally dysfunctional family. Everyone knows a child of divorce and dysfunction these days. A divorce has almost become a rite of passage … just like learning to drive, going to college, or getting married.

But a child of divorce because one of the parents is gay? What an atrocity! Where do they fit into the picture perfect white picket fence mold? There is no mold for the half-gay/half-straight combo package awarded to me upon entering the world. I often feel like people don’t quite know how to respond to me when I tell them my dad is gay. How does one deal with someone who comes from such an unheard of situation?

So strange and unfamiliar.

You are the second person I have ever met with one gay parent and one straight parent. The first American and my first ‘adult’ friend with one gay parent.

After reading Erin’s letter and digesting it for over a week, I feel it’s time for me to chime in and join the conversation.

I’m here, I’m half queer, and I want to play on the team.

Please?

I hear all the cool kids are doing it.

—Amie

Read Jared’s reply here.

Read more letters in The Gay Dads Project on The Good Life.

Image of two red paper people courtesy of Shutterstock